Saturday, March 24, 2007

Expectations for the Current Baseball season


As a Chicago White Sox fan, for years I have dealt with the fact that my expectations will only be met once in my lifetime. That time was the 2005 world series, and I was simply giddy with the fact that the white sox swept the silly houston astros. So the following are some theories of mine that we can expect from the chicago white sox and the northsiders this season.

1) Scott Podsednik is done:

After being a world series hero, he inevitably got too full of himself, married Lisa Dergan and then played like horseshit the entire last year. He hit thirty points lower on his batting average, twenty less stolen bases, twenty more strikeouts. He tried to be a power batter, and someone forgot to tell him that he is the LEADOFF batter! Stop trying to be something you are not.

2) Lou Pinella will either die from a heartattack while beratting an umpire or he will yell at over 10 umpires this year:

I know this is something most people are saying, "that'll never happen, but seriously how old and out of shape is lou pinella? All this anger and rage can not be good for one's heart health and overall well being. Plus I honestly think baseball is due for an on the field death by manager. Maybe then people will believe goats can curse a major league baseball franchise.

3) Ozzie Guillen will still hate Jay Mariotti:

But, we all hate him, that's why I read his columns so my hatred of one idiot will continue until I walk past him on Michigan Ave one day and push him in front of a bus....thus ridding ourselves of this gigantic douchebag once and for all.

4) Mark Prior will help Jeff Samardzija out and tell lou not to pitch him too much:

Either this happens or the Valpariaso Velocity machine will fall apart. It's not like this theory does not have a past pretecent or anything, Mark Prior....Kerry Wood.... these are just some of the examples.

Here are some things not likely to happen but one could wish due to comic value or just seeing what will happen.

5) The Chicago White Sox....2007 world series champions..

I know its far off, but if every piece falls into place, our pitching staff stays healthy, certain players remember how to bat well and hoe not to suck, and our pitchers remember what the strike zone is, this can happen, I believe. I only with this time around we pick a better fucking band to do our theme music than Journey....

6) Mark Cuban buys the Cubs fires EVERYONE.

Even though he is an iu graduate, Mark Cuban kicks ass as an owner. He likes to spend money, acts like a fan at games, gets totally shitfaced drunk in public with women normal men couldn't dream of sleeping with. After he fires everyone, he hires ron santo to be the gm....and then properly fires him twenty minutes later when ron santo is still not done thanking him...

Just some food for thought....